MANY vs. ONE

1 Corinthians 2:1-5

When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power.

Over the past several months I have had MANY different thoughts on my mind… competing for space, time and energy (and sleep). Between Britany’s health, family issues, our “job” and general life I have had more than my share of competing voices. As time has gone on I have learned MANY things about my own weaknesses and strengths, our family’s weaknesses and strengths, and a few of the purposes behind this journey God has us on. This has led to MANY questions, which have in turn led to MANY more internal conversations, and the “MANY” cycle continues.

Recently a friend of mine (thank you Pastor Andy) introduced me to a song by Jeremy Riddle called Sweetly Broken, from his album Full Attention. The opening lines to the song are:

to the cross I look... and to the cross I cling... of it's suffering I do drink... of it's work I do sing...

I have to confess, I have listened to those lines probably a hundred times… over and over. This is something I have not done since I was in high school or college but alas I am drawn to them and hit the repeat button again. Now, I am not much for “tic-tac” theology, but this ONE idea has been reaching deeply into my soul… filling an emptiness that I have been feeling for a while as I have wrestled over MANY of these important internal conversations… Jesus Christ… crucified.

What do you do when you have no answers to so MANY questions... when you can’t switch your brain off? I think Paul (and Jeremy) might have it. You resolve to know ONE thing… “Jesus Christ and him crucified.” No more fancy words. No more unspoken conversations. In the midst of what feels like a storm of weakness, fear and answerless questions I need a lifeline to save me from drowning in my own head. Right now I need ONE thing to make sense of the many… to add perspective in the struggle… to create peace in the midst of the unknown. It sounds simplistic I know, but nevertheless:

to the cross I look... and to the cross I cling... of it's suffering I do drink... of it's work I do sing...

Thank you Jesus.

Thankful

Colossians 2:6-7

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

I have a lot to be thankful for...
One amazing wife, four great kids, an awesome family and an incredible group of loving friends and supporters (from all around the world). I attend an amazing church filled with great people who love Jesus and have loved us well through some tough times. I live in a neighborhood (and amongst neighbors) that are interesting, dynamic and kind.

Today, on American Thanksgiving, in Glasgow Scotland, all those pieces combined alongside...
40 adults and 23 children in 2 flats with 2 - 22pound turkeys, 1 ham, 3 pots of potato's, 4 salads, green beans, pecan pies, etc. to make one amazing day.

Thank you Jesus for all that you are. Keep our lives in You. Keep us grounded and growing towards You. Keep our faith strong and our hearts full. Thank you for being our everything. You are amazing. Amen.

But God...

Ephesians 2:4-10

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ – by grace you have been saved – and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

But God… We all have them right? Those times in our walk with God where loving our Lord with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength seems effortless. Fully alive moments of success in relationship or service that makes our passion for God so real…our calling so clear…our ability to sacrifice so natural. Moments where we can almost hear our Father in heaven saying, “this is my son…my daughter…in them I am well pleased!” We actually feel the “immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.” But then, there are other times…times when love grows cold…times when each step stirs fear, indecision and doubt. They are seasons of death and darkness…seasons of the cross.

But God… This past year, our community in Glasgow has been walking through one such season. We have experienced brokenness in ways that we always hope as children of God we won’t have to. In many respects, we have watched as the ministry that God built has been slowly disassembled before our eyes. It is a season of asking many questions about our calling, our purpose and our reason to exist.

But God… It is in these times that it is the hardest to believe that he has not made a mistake… that “we are his workmanship”. It is in these times that it is the hardest to believe that we have a purpose… “good works, which God prepared beforehand”. It is in these times that it is hard to walk the steps laid out for us.

But God… It is a thought, an idea, which I hold in my mind and heart that fuels my passion in the hardest of times. It is as if Paul writes these words for me to show this crux moment between what was and what is. Between what has been and what will be. It is my Lord Jesus walking step by brutal step towards His greatest moment of darkness and His greatest gift of love.

But God… It stirs the heart in the deepest place. Could it be that God is still intimately and strategically moving in and out of our lives shaping and forming all that we are… fixing that which was broken… finding that which was lost… making us into what He has always dreamed we would be? Could it be that the weight of this world does not have to rest on my shoulders…but that it rests on the crucified shoulders of this “great love with which he loved us”?

But God…

Brotherhood

1 Peter 5:5-10

...Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you

I’m not sure how long I was unconscious… 5-10 seconds maybe. All I remember is that I was vomiting over the edge of the fence one moment and dreaming about sleeping in my own bed the next. I think it was then that I remembered that I was in India… that only moments ago I had been standing… conscious.

We had been there to have a fun-day with a handful of orphaned kids (dieing of AIDS) but, within moments of our arrival, I was the one being ministered to by Solomon, the “man with many children”. I was heartbroken, embarrassed and humbled. He just cracked a big white smile and said that this happened to the children all the time… he had lots of experience.

Humility is an interesting thing… hard to produce; it seems to be something you need to “fall” into. Often it is difficult for us to embrace knowingly – to actually set about “clothing” ourselves. When we do, it often feels fake or feigned. I wonder if that is because, often, humility walks so closely with suffering… and suffering is a traveling partner that we are so afraid of in our western world. Yet, when I sat with one of the little ones on my lap… and imagined Solomon fanning them after they had passed out… my heart broke for him… for them. Suffering was not a stranger to these children.

In these pictures are many who I would consider my brother… Wade, my brother in Christ through the last couple of years. Jeff, my ACTUAL brother (in-law) who I have had the joy of serving beside many times. My Dad, both a father and a brother, who has been a great source of encouragement for me as I have pursued God. Solomon, a man whose passion for Christ has produced a compassion for the abandoned children of India… and still had some to spare for a bewildered foreigner/brother in Christ. But perhaps the most humbling and perspective giving brother is the little boy whose sheepish smile said, “yeah, I’ve been there before. You’ll be ok… but you sure look funny on the ground!”

Thank you my little friend.

Lord God, do the impossible today… in this moment… and heal him from the disease that ravishes his body. And may we meet again… in this age or the next. Amen.

I press on...

Philippians 3:12-14

Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

It is amazing how tiring it can be to follow Jesus. He tells us that His yoke is easy and His burden is light… but it seems to be the pace that is killing us. What with all of the healthy (and unhealthy) expectations we place on ourselves… our churches… our leaders. The mixing of our lives with passionate following and passionate leading, focused living and space for others, pouring our hearts out to God and pouring our lives out for people (or is that the other way around) can leave us so… well, tired. And this tiredness is made all the more complicated by the psychology of yester-year that says avoid that which is hard… flee from that which hurts… following Jesus should be painless… blah, blah, bla. How are we to know the balance?

The other day Britany and I had our kids at a park just outside of the Minster in York. It was glorious. A peaceful quiet clear day that was only broken by the occasional gusts of autumn wind that sent orange and yellow leaves spiraling through the brisk air. My kids knew intuitively what MUST be done and they began running through the park chasing floating leaves that fell like snow upon the green lawn. As the wind gusted it was almost like a frenzy of leaves, arms and hands… even our youngest Hallie joined in! Celtin was breathing so hard (I thought his heart was going to explode)… never quite able to get to the leaves in time, he would suddenly forget about the leaf he had be pursuing and move with explosive redirection towards his next object of passion… straining forward toward his next prize.

So often, that is what this life feels like to me… but with one notable exception. The smile on Celtin’s face could have outshone a thousand suns.

I wonder sometimes if balance isn’t the point. Not that balance is bad (in fact, I am in a season of relearning what it means to live with balance); I just wonder if it is not the real issue. I wonder if it isn’t the smile that makes all the difference or, more accurately, the source of the smile… “because Christ Jesus has made me his own.” What if the real issue is connected more to the heart that beats within? “because Christ Jesus has made me his own.” What if the power to forget, to strain, to press on toward the goal, comes not from frantic service but from joy? “because Christ Jesus has made me his own.” What if the difference between tiredness and weariness is the heart you are left with at the end of the day? “because Christ Jesus has made me his own.” I wonder…