the crowing rooster

Mark 14:72

...And he broke down an wept.

I have always enjoyed reading through the life of the apostle Peter. I find a lot of comfort in watching how he walked with Jesus. He seems to have made as many mistakes as he had successes... and though some of his successes where amazing and dramatic so much of his life seems filled with "good intentions" gone awry. This ordinary fisherman seemed to have a heart to do the right thing but often found himself running in the wrong direction. He would open his mouth when he shouldn't AND he would remain silent when he shouldn't. He would run in swords raised when he shouldn't AND run away when he shouldn't. Though seemingly not a very "religious" man he would often make religious mistakes (even late in life). He would show tremendous courage (at the wrong time) and tremendous fear mere moments later. He would confuse the spoken word of Christ and even be called "satan" by Jesus himself. And, in an ultimate act of fear, he would deny Jesus publicly 3 times in a row... just as Jesus had predicted.

Yet...

He walk on water.

He spoke the first confession of Christ.

He was called a rock on which the Church would be built.

He open the gospel to the gentile world... through the courageous word of his testimony.

And though he would deny Jesus on one day he would eventually deny himself and take up his cross and follow Jesus unto death.

There have been so many times in my life when I have represented everything that Jesus is NOT. Times where I have trudged ahead and found myself walking down a different path than Jesus with a foot in my mouth... and usually more than a bit confused. You see, like Peter, I have all these good intentions and (I think) a heart to do what Jesus wants me to do BUT, also like Peter, I find a battle between courage and fear within me. There have been times when I have spoken courageously only to find out that I am missing the bigger picture... and there have been times when I should have spoken but was too afraid.

And I have wept.